I hope you all enjoyed our totally sweet dance moves on our website. We worked really hard on that video for your holiday enjoyment and it will be up until after the New Year for your viewing pleasure. (Just for the record, getting Dr. Jeff to do the worm is no easy task.) In the spirit of the New Year I wanted to give you some ideas for resolutions that I found while contemplating my own future goals.
1. "I will stop saying, "Oh that feels nice" whenever the security guys frisks me at the airport."
2. "I will never again take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night."
3. "I will take up some worthwhile new habit, like smoking - it helps keep tobacco workers in jobs."
4. "I will think of a password other than "password".
5. "I will never again show up drunk at a custody hearing."
6. "I will not bore my boss with the same excuses for taking leaves. I will think of some more excuses."
7. "I will only pay for sex if the price seems really, really reasonable."
8. "I will start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store."
9. "I will stop tagging pictures of myself in pictures even when I'm not in them."
10. "I will do less laundry and use more deodorant."
As for my own resolution I am tossing around a few ideas:
1. I will stop repetitively using the words "Douche Bag" with my usual freedom. I will come up with better and more creative insults.
2. I will stop telling wrong number dialers that they have reached the correct number and then asking for their credit card and social security numbers in order to process their complaint.
3. I will stop tripping drunk people for my own amusement.
4. I will try really hard to not scare my nieces and nephews until they loose their bowels by hiding around corners and jumping out at them.
5. I will stop messing with my dog by pretending to eat her treats right in front of her.
6. I will stop making the holidays more "fun" by baking special brownies for my family and not telling them the secret ingredient.
Let me know which resolution should make the cut and let me know what yours is so I can make fun of you if you fail. Happy New Years!
Office Manager/Holiday "Fun" Maker